January 30, 2006

 analyze this

dreamt ray i were going to go to paris.

we got to the airport and i discovered i had forgotten my passport. i had 45 mintues until departure and since we'd been dropped off i couldn't go back and get it myself. i called friend after friend to see if someone could go by the house and bring it to me. no one was home. i was on the phone constantly, watching time pass, getting nervous. it finally occurred to me, with just 10 minutes until boarding, that i could have taken a cab back home and gotten it myself. but lisa came through in the end. she showed up and saved the day. we got to the gate just as the final boarding call was announced.

while we were madly checking in, i realized that we had forgotten to bring our luggage. it was still in the trunk of my car, which we hadn't even brought to the airport. i figured that this was a sign that we shouldn't go to paris after all. but ray said we should. we'd already spent the money on the tickets, and solved the last-minute problem with the passport... he said we could buy everything we needed once we got to paris. i thought that was such a non-ray thing to say --spur of the moment, living large-- that i agreed and we got on the plane.

once we arrived in paris, luggageless, we tried to figure out the best way to cheaply sustain ourselves. we knew we'd have to buy some clothes, so we wanted to spend as little money elsewhere as possible. we walked by a big cathedral that was having a free dinner, so we walked towards it. as we were entering, though, we saw iman. bystanders were a-buzz. we also spotted gwenyth paltrow and decided, on a whim, to follow her. she walked down a quaint little alley and ended up at a modelling session. when she saw us arrive right behind her she graciously let us sit in on the photo shoot. it was a high-ceilinged room with dim lighting and an old parisian vibe. we watched gwenyth languidly swing around a pole and look amazing while the photographer clicked off roll after roll of film. gwenyth told us that iman had just had a similar shoot in the same room.

after that ray & i decided we were hungry. we said goodbye to gwenyth and found a cafe nearby. people in front of us in line were choosing very specific items -- decadent ice creams from one menu, elaborate sandwiches from another. when i got to the front of the line i asked questions about how much things cost, and the cashier told me, in english, that the best deal was a to-go package that came with a sandwich, chips, drink and about a dozen cookies. i ordered that, then reached for the money in my wallet, only to realize that i hadn't converted my currency yet. i only had american dollars. i was close to tears, thinking that thing after thing had gone wrong on this trip, and all i wanted to do was eat. but then ray said, "just use your debit card. that will automatically do the conversion for you."

it was a big relief. it worked. and the food was delicious.

Posted by xta at 07:20 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

July 15, 2005

 moment of zen

jonstewart.jpgi dreamt about jon stewart.

we were at a taping of his show, and hung around afterwards like giggly groupies. for some reason --maybe he thought the two of us were laughing appropriately (not too much, not to little) at his jokes-- he invited us back to his house after the show ended. and by "us", i mean me and some faceless, namless person who seems to appear in my dreams with alarming frequency.

it was totally chill hanging out with jon, too. at his house. with his wife. they just left us alone to roam around, basically. we wandered around from room to room --everything tastefully decorated, not ostentatious-- and knowing he wouldn't mind, we gawked over the books on his shelves and casually picked through the papers on his desk. we then looked out the window at the crowd of people (other groupies who were not as lucky as i) gathered beyond the driveway at the closed iron gate.

at one point in the dream, the gate got opened (through accident or malfeasance, i don't know) and hundreds of people came streaming up to the front door. they just milled around, though... they were too respectful of jon to bother him too much.

Posted by xta at 01:08 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

April 03, 2005

 miracle plane

i dreamed of a plane crash.

i was a reporter who just happened to be hiking with a few friends in a peaceful area of desert. suddenly i heard the roar of an approaching plane. it was low in the sky and obviously in need of a quick landing. we all watched, amazed.

what was remarkable about the crash was that it was barely a crash at all. the plane came in low, slow and at the most gentle angle possible. the pilot managed to skim the plane along a shallow river, and it finally came to rest without major incident in the dirt.

this all happened within a couple hundred yards of me. i wasn't scared. i was awe-struck by the graceful beauty of it, and the talent of the pilot.

my friends and i ran to the plane to help. one of the windows in the cockpit had smashed and fallen out, and i yelled through it for the pilots to jump through that small hole. somehow i knew that none of the other doors would open, so i told the crew that everyone would have to exit through this tiny cockpit window.

passengers started squeezing out, one after the other. i would sort of catch them as they jumped. after a few dozen people had exited that way my friends managed to get one of the emergency doors open and more people were able to leave the plane. at no time was there any sense of panic. as the passengers left the plane, though, they were all stunned and would look down at their bodies in disbelief that they were still in one piece. in the air hung the quiet, weighty feeling that a miracle had just occurred.

when everyone had left the plane safely, and my own disbelief had subsided a bit, i walked over to one of the pilots who was just sitting on a big rock near the plane. i wanted to talk to him and get his reaction... more as a human being than as a reporter.

he was so shocked that he managed to land the plane as he did, and that no lives were lost... disbelief was his strongest emotion. i started to cry at his humility. the miracle of the situation was undeniable.

he then turned to me and said that i was really the hero. he remarked about how i hadn't been scared to approach the plane, that i was eager to help. not too many people in this day and age would do that, he said... help other people. i thought he was ridiculous --of course people would help!-- but we both stopped talking, looked into each other's eyes, and felt between us the glory of being a part of this singular event.

Posted by xta at 10:29 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 02, 2005

 i feel it in my head

this morning i woke up crying.

i dreamed that one of my best friends died. it was a sudden, peaceful death and every soul who knew her was plunged into the deepest sorrow. (this woman has never known a stranger; countless souls have been touched by her, and in my dream the grief at her passing seemed universal.)

the dream was extremely vivid; while asleep, my brain was causing me to physically mourn for her loss. i woke up mid-sob, my face wet with tears. my heart felt like it had been crushed into a hard, solid ball.

i rarely have dreams this realistic, and i cannot remember ever having any sort of physical manifestation of one. it was disturbing. i'm not sure i want to experience that intensity again. at least not while i'm asleep.

in the dream, i was shocked and so sad that i wouldn't see my friend again. at that point i was crying for myself and for my loss. but suddenly it occurred to me that her husband would be absolutely devastated about her death.

in reality, her husband is an absolute angel, perhaps the most gentle person i've ever met. when my dream turned to him, THAT'S when i felt the deepest sadness, and that's when the real tears started. i woke up shortly after dreaming about his intense sorrow. those tears on my pillow were for him.

Posted by xta at 09:13 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 29, 2004


last night i dreamt that i went shopping with 2 or 3 of my girlfriends. (don't worry... it wasn't you. they were faceless, nameless people, as often occurs in dreams.) when we got to the mall, though, our number expanded when we happened upon friends of friends, who then joined our group.

there emerged from our crowd one clear leader, a stranger to me who wanted to go to shops i had no interest in. i walked around with them, but felt unfulfilled by her choice of stores. she then convinced the group to dine in a restaurant too expensive for my budget. i finally decided i didn't want to be with them anymore... i was getting restless and my day was beginning to feel wasted, so i decided to go eat at a cheaper place -- by myself. there were protestations from my friends, but i wasn't going to be dissuaded... i really wanted to separate myself from them for a while. i went to the food court and ordered beef lo-mein. (the rest of the group were going to have a champagne lunch at a sit-down bistro.)

after i ordered my food i discovered that there was no place left to sit and eat. an attractive young man (who looked like justin theroux, hubba hubba) offered me a seat at his table. he was by himself, too.

we had a marvellous chat, very friendly and intellectually-stimulating. he was confident and somewhat flirty, but i felt totally at ease with him... i didn't feel like he was hitting on me or anything. he said he was on his way to see a movie, and would i like to join him? i agreed without even asking what movie it was.

the film turned out to be an entertaining amalgam of cartoon and science. i remember being amazed that i learned something new during that movie... a scientific concept i never thought i could have grasped, but the information was presented in a way i really enjoyed. i felt smart and happy afterward.

as we left the theatre this attractive young man and i exchanged phone numbers... i knew i needed to leave his company and somehow find my girlfriends. as i walked away, feeling immensely satisfied with my life, i realized that i would have never had this amazing experience had i simply stayed with my crowd.

Posted by xta at 11:13 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 17, 2003

 high school memories

i had a crazy high-school dream last night. i was at an impromptu reunion, but most of my class was there. (must not have been that impromptu!) it was at a hotel, and people were dressed all swanky and drinking cocktails... very different than my actual 10 year reunion, which was held in some generic reception hall with white/grey walls.

anyway, i remember one of my old high-school friends, michelle huser, coming up to me in this dream and just beaming. gushing over seeing me again. i was totally taken aback by that and not sure how to respond. i think i was mostly freaked out that she looked exactly the same as she did 15 years ago. (oh god. 15 years!)

the details of this dream are getting fuzzier as the afternoon progresses, but what i remember most was how incredibly hard it was to wake up from it. the alarm went off and i remember feeling totally and utterly stunned that i wasn't actually at the reunioin, and that this was, in fact, only a dream. utter confusion... that's what sticks with me most. and also that i desperately wanted to go back to sleep to finish the dream, which never, ever happens with me. usually the alarm goes off and i'm awake... no going back.

i was seriously considering indulging myself and hitting the snooze a few times, but i had to be at work on time this morning (ruth calls me monday mornings at 10 at the station, and i can't be late) so i hauled my ass out of bed, much to my dismay.

it's not hard to figure out why i was dreaming about high-school... an old classmate (who i barely remember) emailed me after she found my page of reunion photos, asking if i knew anything about a 20 year reunion. (don't freak me out, woman!!) i actually had to look her up in my yearbook because i couldn't place her name. i suppose all of that paging through bad 80s haircuts resulted in a deep-seated trauma that manifested itself in my dreams that night. whew.

in other news, the interior damage from the tree-through-the-roof is almost complete. the roof is fixed, and the plaster has been repaired. the floor guys are coming later this week to refinish the wood, and then all that's left is paint! i can't friggin' wait to move back into that bedroom. i feel like life has been entirely too chaotic since september 18. (it's totally weird to be getting dressed in the den, and having my shoes in front of the fireplace.)

before i forget, one final plug for my new hairstylist, erin. she runs a salon in downtown durham (go, girl!) called "the garden" and it rocks. she rocks. my new haircut rocks, too.

Posted by xta at 02:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack