October 07, 2005

 pour myself a cup of ambition

you know when things fall into place and you feel like there's order in the world? i like to say "the planets are aligning" as a goofy expression of the phenomenon.

over the past week or so i feel like the planets are actually colliding. bad things keep happening, with such a ferocity that with each successive item of bad news i receive i just sit, slack-jawed, in disbelief. it's seems impossible that there could be any more bad left.

nothing terribly tragic has happened specifically to me, but the things that are occurring in the lives of the people close to me are really giving me pause. my co-workers seem to be the ones who are experiencing the bulk of the planetary collision. in sympathy with (and reaction to) their troubles i've decided to make some changes in my life. i don't forsee any radical decisions in my future -- i think i'll stay in north carolina, and i think i'll keep my house, for instance -- but it's time to start figuring out if i'm using each day to its fullest potential. right now i don't think i am.

in the midst of this chaos, it's funny how right my weight-loss currently feels. i began this process before things started feeling out of control, and i'm glad for that; it's actually one my major comforts right now. my size 14 (!) jeans are my security blanket. the diet provides some sort of order.

aside from that, though, everything feels up in the air. so bear with me for a while... i'm finding it hard to keep posting about shoes and address labels while i'm expending the bulk of my energy trying to get my head screwed on straight.

i'm feeling hopeful, but essentially rudderless.

Posted by xta at October 7, 2005 01:08 PM | TrackBack

Hope you figure it out soon!

Posted by: lainey at October 7, 2005 01:51 PM

That is perfect.
That is exactly how I feel.
We must have the same planets out of alignment.
I'll push mine into place while you work on yours.....good luck!

Posted by: Gidge at October 7, 2005 08:35 PM

Have you read "Finding Your Own North Star"? It's great.

Posted by: John Boy at October 8, 2005 01:33 PM

first the death of fandom and now no rudder.
actually, I do not wish to mock --
it sounds like you are growing up. and this is hard - the growing up.
I wonder who you will be?

Posted by: blackbird at October 9, 2005 08:58 AM

Hmm.. You're feeling rudderless. I'm feeling earwormed by "Nine to Five." Who's in worse shape, I ask? :-)

Posted by: Phil at October 10, 2005 12:03 AM

I go through occasional spells of drifting myself. Mostly they go away without me doing anything at all. I never really know what to make of that.
But usually, the best cure is doing something I enjoy - preferably something I've always wanted to do but never tried, or something I used to do all the time but have gotten away from. And usually, it's really small - like going for a walk in a park on the weekend, or making a point of eating a lot of really gorgeous fresh fruit.
So I guess I'm recommending little pleasures. Along those lines, I think I have to go i-Tunes "9 to 5."

Posted by: lady macventril at October 10, 2005 07:13 PM
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