why not take all of me

my first instinct is to talk about how sad i am.

sad to have left colorado, sad that i'm far from my family, sad that i can't see that excruciatingly beautiful niece of mine every day.

i cried, of course. not as much as in december. i guess i'm getting better with the crying. last time i cried for 3 days. this time it was only about 2.

we're all talking about the possibilities. of me going there. of them coming here. moving requires so much sacrifice and inspires so much fear. i'm not sure what's going to happen.

* * *

i have a friend whose name is john. john's best friend, paul, struggled with kidney disease for years. paul badly needed a transplant, but the waiting list was 3 years long. thankfully, paul's brother reassured him that if things got bad before the 3 years was up, he would donate one of his own kidneys to paul.

last fall things got bad for paul. to make matters worse, paul learned that his brother wasn't a suitable donor. paul was devastated.

my friend john tried to cheer him up. "hey, maybe i'm a match and could solve all your problems... what's your blood type?" he was only half-serious, of course.

but it turns out that not only were john and paul both a-positive, but subsequent tests showed that john was a perfect donor for paul.

john and paul had many conversations. i imagine they were all more than half-serious. paul kept telling john that while he would gladly take one of his kidneys, it was such a huge thing to ask of a friend that he would understand if john backed out.

john didn't back out. in january he donated his left kidney to paul.

i asked him, "did you ever get scared?"

he said no. there was a brief moment a week before the operation when he felt a little anxious, but even as he was putting on the hospital gown he was at peace. john had spent weeks ingesting every bit of information about the procedure that he could. he felt comfort in knowing exactly where the scalpel would enter his body.

* * *

to even go through those tests takes a strength of character that --to me-- seems rare. i said to john, "i don't know if i could ever do what you did."

"everyone says that," john said. "but you never know what kind of sacrifice you're capable of until you find yourself in a situation that demands it." john didn't see this as a choice. it was simply something he wanted --needed-- to do. he loved paul, and wanted him to live. giving him one of his kidneys would allow that. case closed.

the procedure went flawlessly. john recovered fully in 8 weeks, with only a couple of tiny scars to show for his gift. paul is doing well, too, and has just completed his final round of post-operative checkups.

Posted by xta at March 16, 2005 03:30 PM | TrackBack