these last few days have been hard.
pledge drive starts thursday, and it's always all-consuming. i feel like i basically lose control of my life for 12 days. we're trying a lot of new strategies this time... shaking things up internally. this is creating a lot of stress for everyone.
additionally, the durham symphony just started up again recently, and i'm finding that it's a difficult adjustment... not only are my tuesday nights sucked up but now i also have to plan additional time to practice. yeah, right.
and for some reason i've felt like divaville has been stagnating lately. i caught up with an old friend at a party sunday night (yes, i attended parties on friday, saturday *and* sunday... which is partly what's making me feel so frantic, i'm sure... if i could just have a quiet, productive night away from work & social obligations i might be able to get my head screwed on straight and feel like i had a grip on things...)
where was i?
oh yes, divaville. this old friend i ran into... i haven't seen him in years. we used to hang out at henry's in chapel hill back in the day. he told me, though, that he listens to me on divaville pretty regularly. after getting over that sense of shock (he looks more like a fan of southern culture than of frank sinatra) he started asking me why i didn't play more big maybelle or lavern baker... old bluesy stuff like that. he ticked off a big list of things he wanted to hear.
but jeez... i can't play everything, and i have to limit the scope of the show somehow. but his comment fueled the insecurity i've been feeling over the last couple of months: that with divaville, i've just been phoning it in. i haven't been preparing, and i feel like i'm shortchanging the people who religiously tune in every week. (i'm discovering there are a lot more people who tune in every week than i'd ever imagined.)
anyway, so i'm trying to spend some of my scarce free time downloading music for the show, in order to jazz things up a little. (pun not intended, but i'm keeping it there anyway because it makes me feel clever.)
then, on top of all of that, i'm falling behind in my knitting. i know this doesn't sound like any kind of tragedy, but i'm really wanting to knock out a lot of christmas gifts and i'm not the fastest knitter.
it's like there's just too much stuff to get done. every day it feels like this. consequently i'm not getting enough sleep (i think 9 hours is a satisfying amount for me, and i usually end up getting 6 or 7), which if course is only serving to blow out of proportion every other stressful thing in my life. (i also just started my period, which --ditto-- makes everything worse.)
you know what else is bugging me, too? i hate all of my bras. this is an endless topic of frustration for me. getting dressed in the morning is a miserable experience. i need to find some fucking time to go buy a decent bra. i feel like this alone will make things in my life just a little more tolerable right now.
but what's really stressing me out the most --as if all that other crap weren't enough-- is halloween.
i really, really don't like halloween. i'm sorry, i just don't. generally speaking, i'm not big on any holiday, but over the past few years this one has really gotten on my nerves. if i had to pinpoint where halloween went bad for me it would be about 4 years ago, right when i really started having to heavliy participate in the pledge drives at work. pledge drives always happen around halloween.
so halloween is not a fun time of year for me. it's a stressful time of year for me. a time of year when i least enjoy being social. i've already been invited to several halloween parties, and i really don't want to go to any of them. (sorry, lisa.) having to think up a costume is not fun... it's just more stress. having to pretend to have fun during a holiday i don't like is not fun. i end up feeling tired, self-conscious and stressed out at halloween parties.
BLEAH!
man, i feel like i just downloaded a bunch of crap straight out of my head.
but i think i feel a little better. my shoulders are still tense, though.
Posted by xta at October 19, 2004 11:10 PM | TrackBackshoulders still tense? maybe it's the bra?
be well, tired friend. i've found that good people think it's just fine when you decline their invitations because you need some downtime :-)
Posted by: Phil at October 20, 2004 12:28 AMyeah, if things are that stressful then you maybe just shouldn't go to any parties.
Posted by: Sarah at October 20, 2004 09:08 AMI get frazzled when I don't get any down time too. And guilt keeps me from turning down invitations which is just silly.
There is nothing worse than an uncomfortable bra. I used to hate Victioria's Secret because I thought they didn't want to make bras for ladies of the larger boob persuasion (like me), but now I'm sold....they have THE most comfortable bras.
Posted by: lainey at October 20, 2004 10:06 AMI love Halloween. Christmas stresses me out and I'm resentful about that. Spending $80 on two bras at Victoria Secret also stresses me out, but they are comfy and pretty, too.
Posted by: joy at October 20, 2004 11:51 AMhey, don't come if you don't want to! seriously. although being haggard from fundraiser may well be an excellent halloween costume all on its own. "What's Christa this year?" "A public radio employee." "Oooh, scary!!!" I mean, if karen cirillo can wear a tube of water around her neck and say that she is a level, you can certainly come as a victim of fundraiser.
victoria's secret does sell *some* larger bras, but generally, they are not available in the stores. i had great success allowing a VS employee to measure me, then buying a bra in that size off their web site, but it hacks me off that i can't just walk into the store and buy a bra there, usually. and i'm only a C-cup. (i'm not telling my band size! that's the limiting factor for me.)
Posted by: lisa at October 20, 2004 01:40 PMi'm not interested in pretty bras. i'm not even that interested in comfortable bras. i want industrial-strength bras that will hold my damned boobs up. none of the bras at victoria's secret seem interested in doing that... they only seem interested in shielding my boobs from my clothes. even the bras they make for my size (which are double-letter, if that tells you anything)... well, they're not meant to be supportive, they're meant to be pretty and give me cleavage that i already have.
geah. i'm going to a specialty shop in raleigh today if i can find the time.
on the up side, one of my co-workers who is a part-time massage therapist just rubbed my shoulders. for about 5 minutes i felt really great.
Posted by: christa at October 20, 2004 01:50 PMChrista, I hope this helps: I just spoke to the engineer for the bridge demolition project near your (and my) house. He says barring any big unforeseen problem, tonight will be the last night of the super-loud noise. We've been sleeping elsewhere and I look forward to being back in my own bed tomorrow night!
--amy
The most comfortable bras I've ever had came from a maternity store. I realize that would be the LAST place anyone would want to be unless pregnant, but those bras are built for the fabulously endowed.
Posted by: Lulu at October 20, 2004 05:04 PMI get a catalog from an athletic clothing company that sells sports bras in large sizes. (I mean actual large sizes, not like "34C is large in our perky little world!" bullshit.) They rate the bras according to how much support each one provides so you can tell if it's strong enough for running in. The large, extra support bras aren't sexy but they look like they would provide really good support. And they have styles that don't "mash" the breasts, which I hate.
The company is called Activa. I may have a catalog around if you're interested, also they have a website.
Posted by: Sarah at October 20, 2004 05:47 PM