do you read bitch? you should. it's quite good. i remember saying "amen!!" while reading one particularly fine article a couple of years ago, and i even emailed the author (one of the few men who occasionally write for the magazine) to tell him how much i loved what he'd written. we struck up a flirty email exchange. he was witty and lived in NYC. i lusted secretly from afar. so, subscribe to bitch! you might meet interesting men!
several years ago i decided to have a little electrolysis done on my eyebrows, upper lip and chin. i went for a consulation, where i learned that for a whole month prior to your first session you cannot shave, pluck, or wax the area to be zapped.
now, for a lifelong obsessive plucker this is an incredibly traumatic realization. the thought of having to go outside -in public- with scraggly eyebrows and stray chin hairs is almost too much to bear. but my constant hair-patrol had finally worn me down... i was too tired of spending inordinate amounts time yanking black wiry hairs from my face. it's exhausting. i was pooped. so i gave in. a month without plucking. i hid my tweezers, told my 2 co-workers (both female) what was going on, and went out in public as little as possible.
until the opportunity arose for me to travel to new york. at this point i looked like a spider had nested over my eyes, but what the hell... no one knows me in new york.
except for bitch-author boy. who of course was eager to meet me during my trip. heh heh. i tried putting him off with silly excuses, but he was not to be dissuaded. i finally agreed to meet him at the whitney museum. i figured with so much groovy art to look at he would easily be distracted from the hair farm on my face.
apparently it worked, because he wanted to take me to dinner afterward. then after dinner he wanted me to come back to his apartment with him. which was confusing, because i figured he must have noticed my copious amounts of eye-fuzz during dinner... the salmon hadn't been all that distracting. maybe he couldn't get enough of my wild eyebrows. maybe he was a hair-pervert or something. i couldn't stop thinking about how weird i must look and how desperate he must be.
at one point i actually apologized for my eyebrows, and i waited for what i was sure would be a fake nonchalance about not even noticing. and that's what i got... except not fake. he really hadn't noticed!
when i got back to north carolina i sent him magnetic fields' "69 love songs" as a thank you gift.
Posted by xta at January 7, 2004 02:15 PM | TrackBack